“I truly want what you truly want—nothing different and nothing more. Don’t you see that is My greatest gift to you? If I wanted for you something other than what you want for you, and then went so far as to cause you to have it, where is your free choice? How can you be a creative being if I am dictating what you shall be, do, and have? My joy is in your freedom, not your compliance.”
– Neale Donald Walsch: Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue
This realization can help many people, especially parents.
Many of us believe we must know all of our children’s whereabouts and actions, even controlling what they can and cannot do.
We pass on to our children the beliefs passed on to us. Why? Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why we must do things the way our parents taught us? Why must we hold the same beliefs they do? They were only doing what they were taught by their parents. Don’t you think some of those ways of doing things and beliefs are outdated?
For this, there is no right answer. There is no right and there is no wrong.
There is only what benefits you and what does not.
Does it benefit you to keep following the path laid out before you by your family, friends, and society? Does it benefit you to blindly agree with decisions and beliefs that were passed on to you for generations? Great. Then that is right for you.
It’s much harder to ask deep, meaningful questions about your life and find your own answers, your own truth. Why? Because no one wants to do the work. We all want the answers and often choose the easy path that everyone else follows. But if everyone is following the same path, can they all be right?
What if everything you thought was right has been wrong all along?
There have been so many writings about what God wants and doesn’t want. We either go to heaven for complying or hell for disobeying. Isn’t he omnibenevolent? Are we supposed to believe that he gave us free will just so that he can punish us for not living up to his standards?
I don’t believe that.
In his book, Donald Walsh writes “God is the observer, not the creator. And God stands ready to assist you in living your life, but not in the way you might expect.”
I can relate to this because that’s how I am with my family. I don’t intrude into the details of my daughters’ lives because I don’t need to know everything they are doing. I give them their privacy. They know when it’s something serious, they can depend on me.
But I will not be there holding their hands throughout their lives. I try to be a good example for them every day because I don’t want to be a hypocrite (Do as I say, not as I do).
I show them the door to life, I tell them what they can expect on the other side, prepare them for setbacks, and to stand tall during adversity, but they have to open it and walk through on their own.
I will always be there for them when they need guidance and support, but I will not make decisions for them and punish them for mistakes. That is part of life. They will not grow into independent adults if mommy and daddy keep fighting their battles.
I want the best for them, as any parent wants for their child, but I will not push them to be anything other than what they decide for themselves.
I will be an observer.
If I push them to go to school, join the military, get a career, or get married, whose success is it? Mine or theirs? I take away the power to create the life they decide for themselves.
In the end, I just want them to grow into independent, happy adults.
Like God, I’ll know I did a good job when they don’t need me anymore. When they don’t call (pray) for every little thing they can work towards themselves. And instead, call to tell me how thankful they are for everything they were able to achieve on their own.
